Why I'm Not A Mother


Don't get me wrong with the title, I DO like kids and kids have a tendency to really like me; but when I've had all I can take of them, I like to hand them back to their mothers and go on my way.  You can't do that when they're your's.

Had I gotten married in my 20's, I probably would of had children, but since I didn't get married until I was 36, well, I was kind of set in my ways and saw a child disrupting that.  So I'm not a mother BY CHOICE (alot of people don't understand that for some reason).

However, the man I married does have two children from a previous marriage.  They're grown now (ages 22 & 20).  The oldest is a boy - he has his own apartment, works full-time, pays all his own bills.  We had alot of problems with him during his teens (drugs, wrong crowd and such) but some tough love got him back on his feet.  We tried the "help" way first, it made things worse.  Some people just have to hit rock bottom to be able to get their life together.

My step-daughter just started her sophmore year in college.  Though only in school for less than a month, she by total surprise, showed up this weekend to tell us she hated it there and wanted to drop out.  She's now claiming she didn't like it last year and didn't want to go back this year.  She didn't tell anyone that because it was easier to just tell us what she knew we wanted to hear.  She's depressed, she does nothing but lay in her room at school and cry, she has no friends there, the classes are hard and unnecessary, she doesn't have a major, and she hasn't been attending classes....etc....

Let's back up to Freshman year at college.  She had just started dating a local boy before leaving.  She was home almost every weekend to see him or he went to college to see her.  When we questioned her on whether that was necessary, the response was "But I love him and want to see him."  So because she had to see him, she didn't do the things college kids do - hang out, go to sporting events, festivals, join clubs.  She didn't socialize with anyone outside of her dorm room.  During her freshman year she insisted she wanted to live off campus the next year with 2 of the girls she had met there and was friends with.  We were all against this, but then gave in.

She comes home for the summer, works, is happy.  In August she broke up with her boyfriend but immediately found another.....now it's time for school again.  And guess who visits not just on weekends, but any chance he gets?

You're not going to enjoy college if you can't let go of the hometown.  You won't have friends at college if you CHOOSE to lay in your room rather than involve yourself in activities.

At some point during the discussion with the four of us (mom, dad, step-mom, step-dad) she got mad at what someone said and got up and left, and at that point no decision was made.

Between the four of us we decided to leave the decision up to her (why continue paying the money, if she won't attend classes?), however, if she chooses to drop out...then she'll be responsible for the remainder of the lease for her off campus housing (that's until next spring), her college loan, her cell phone bill, and car insurance.  That seems fair.

What I would really like her to do, is finish this semester.  Then transfer to one of the closer colleges where she can live at home.  But right now, you can't tell her anything....loverboy is all that matters.






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